“When I started sliding down the hill I, you know, did what I could to save the beer!”

– Jes-Jes

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Margs wouldn’t stop farting

Margs (now almost four) would NOT stop farting the other evening when I was hanging out with her. Massive, noisy, lethal farts (the kind you can taste… in your mouth… long after the gas has been released…) I finally told her she needed to go to the bathroom. After a minute she comes back out.

Me: Did you poop?

Margs: Nope.

Me: You didn’t?

Margs: No! There’s nothing in my butt!

 

11 favorite tv moments of all time

11) Martha Stewart makes mashed potatoes with Snoop Dogg. Enough said- the Martha Stewart Show

10) Chappelle’s racial draft, specifically; “The black delegation requests Eminem”- Chappelle’s Show
(If you don’t know what I’m talking about go watch every single episode of “Chappelle’s Show” and do not continue on with your life until you do… because you are not a complete human being.)

9) With SG6 destroyed Sydney and Vaughn are finally able to express their true feelings for each other amidst the smoldering rubble- Alias

8) Homer tells Marge he likes the way her jelly stays right in the middle of her sandwiches and he doesn’t know how she does it because no one else can. Later Marge abandons the idea of an affair and instead goes to the power plant to right things with Homer. Probably the first and most poignant romantic moments I ever witnessed on television- the Simpsons

7) Whenever Jeremy, James and Richard go on a holiday somewhere exotic it is always amazing to watch. But between the scooters, the rain and the awkward cultural interactions my favorite adventure, by miles, was their trip to Vietnam. James; “I’ve had to ditch me wok.”- Top Gear

6) Could you ask for a more intense and brutal death scene? When the Chicken Man finally met his end whose heart didn’t stop when he walked out of the explosion and straighten his tie before dropping dead? Class to the end- Breaking Bad

5) The ending to a love story we were all waiting for. Where were you when Rachel got off the plane? (1 min 50 sec)- Friends

4) Eric finally kisses Donna after the disco aka “Fernando.” (“You’re in like with me?”)- That 70s Show

3) Ben’s proposal to Leslie. No matter how many times I watch it, I always cry like a baby- Parks and Recreation

2) POTUS in the cathedral; Mrs. Landingham’s death was sudden and heart breaking, but the speech the President yells at God after her funeral is one of the most brilliant and beautiful monologues ever written for television (obviously, it was written by Aaron Sorkin…)- the West Wing

1) Jim asks Pam out to dinner. Originally this moment was a little further down my list, but when I re-watched it (Albeit, for the millionth or so time) I realized that as a true Office freak at heart, this really was my mostest favoritest moment of all time ever. (The clip cuts off the best part which is Pam turning back to the camera, beaming, with tears in her eyes and saying “I’m sorry, what was the question?” Absolutely perfect.)- the Office

“The Following”- Kevin Bacon makes his TV debut! And there’s a serial killer cult!

the following

I was delighted when I first saw advertisements for FOX’s new crime thriller “the Following;” first because (as bizarre a thing as it is to admit) I love dark shows about crime and criminal investigation, specifically serial killers (i.e. Criminal Minds).  Second, Kevin Bacon (so much love for Kevin; Footloose, Footloose, Footloose, Footloose!). Kevin Bacon as a retired FBI agent with a drinking problem determined to see an insane killer brought to justice? I was already on board.

But I had my apprehensions (I mean, it’s a FOX series where Kevin Bacon plays a retired FBI agent with a drinking problem determined to see an insane killer brought to justice…) and the first forty-five minutes of the pilot did little to quel my concerns.

I would like to take a moment to  restate a point I am adamant about which is that I believe it’s nearly impossible to judge a show based on the pilot. Most of the episode is devoted to awkward set ups and explanations and usually the writers and actors don’t have a handle on the characters enough to bring them to their full potential.

But the pilot of the Following was particularly weak. I couldn’t help but feel I had seen all of this before; a killer escapes from prison and the only person who can find him is the man who captured him the first time. This is Bacon, who wakes up from an alcohol induced slumber to the news report and a phone call begging him to return to duty.

The majority of the episode proceeded as such and while I was already determined to see the show through to episode three I was not exactly looking forward to it.

Suddenly a naked woman stabs herself in the eye with an icepick and they realize the killer, Joe Carrol (James Purefoy), has a cult following. Even after he’s recaptured his devotees continue to carry out his mission of mass murder; each crime eerily inspired by the works of Edgar Allen Poe.

When Carrol’s son is kidnapped for him by the nanny (who had been living with his (ex)wife for two years) I was once again intrigued.

Despite the occasional weak dialogue (big broadcasting companies seem to prefer cutting back on the writing budget in favor of big name actors and special effects…) each episode has delivered a unique twist and at least one “edge of your seat,” holding your breath moments.

The violence in the show is surprisingly well done. Most of the murders are gruesome without being over the top, while at the same time being unusually tasteful. But the most intriguing aspect is the “creepy” factor the show is able to create.

My prime example is the ending of episode 7, “Let Me Go”. Carrol is reunited with his son and for the first time the audience gets a glimpse of his army of average-looking followers. The cinematography and editing all contribute but the song choice is truly what brings brilliance to this scene.

All in all, if dark and disturbing are your thing, “the Following” is worth checking out.

This is the song used in the scene I was talking about (also used on the History Channel’s “Vikings”)

The bf left the iPad on the car roof

Keef: I’m sorry I forgot the iPad on the roof of the car…
Me: Its ok, you do that shit ‘cuz of your ADHD, and you put up with my crazy, so I put up with yours.
Keef: Mine’s better.
Me: But I will make a disclaimer, which is that if you ever do that to any babies we might have someday I will not be so understanding….
Keef: (pause) Yeah I could totally see myself doing that…. Which is why our baby will be wearing a helmet at all times!

Marriage Equality

I am so proud to be the nanny for a same-sex family. (Just like I was so proud to stand by my best friend as he went from an awkward confused teen to a gorgeous, slightly less awkward (lol) openly gay man) It is such a joy to go to work everyday and getting to spend time in their loving, happy, frequently hilarious home.
But everyday I get so incredibly sad when I look at their sweet, brilliant, innocent little girl and think there are people out there who would prefer to see her family destroyed.
I’m trying to work on my anger issues, but I’ve decided not to fight the rage I feel towards the people and policies that discriminate against many of the most significant, loving, kind and amazing people in my life.
Anyone who believes this is a truly free county is sadly disillusioned. And anyone who believes this is okay should be ashamed of themselves, and I hope one day they feel what it is like to have their basic liberties and rights denied.
I am ashamed of my country for allowing these civil injustices to continue for so long.